I Release the Need to Feel Jealous.

26 May

“Jealousy isn’t a female trait.  Jealousy is an insecure trait.  Jealousy doesn’t discriminate.” - Unknown

What is your experience with jealousy? Have you ever been jealous of someone else? Has someone ever been jealous of you?

People tend to get jealous when they think someone else has something they don’t. Whether it’s about beauty, power, wealth, talent, or fame, there are people who think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. In other words, people assume that other people have better lives, even when they don’t. But, the truth is, everyone could have green grass. If you were willing to take care of your own lawn, then your yard could be just as green and lush, too.

So, what is at the root of jealousy? Insecurity. If you loved, valued, and believed in yourself and felt confident in your own abilities, you wouldn't get jealous. You wouldn’t feel the need to compare yourself to others in a way that made you feel bad. Instead, you would be satisfied with where you stood in the world, even if you were in the process of self-improvement. You’d also be more self-compassionate, knowing that great achievements take time.

To help manage or eliminate jealousy, consider these tips:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others.  Do you let someone else’s social media posts dictate how you feel about them or yourself? Compare to share, not to judge. It’s OK to compare  yourself with others in the spirit of sharing ideas, expertise, and experience. Comparing paths is empowering and can help identify where you might have taken a wrong turn in your own journey to achieving your goals.  In fact, learning from others is a valuable method for helping you break through to success.  Collaboration also creates community.  Comparing yourself to place judgement creates a negative mindset. Negative energy is toxic to success.  When you judge someone else based on what they have - beauty, fame, or fortune - you assume you know everything about them.  But, do you?  Do you know everything they went through to get to where they are?   Behind the smile of a beautiful woman posing on a beach or the fame of a man posing with his sports car is a story you don’t know.  You don’t know the struggles or hardships they endured, the obstacles they overcame, or what they're going through right now.  They could be celebrating breakthroughs or fighting insecurities.  They could be merely projecting happiness in a photo.  Therefore, comparing is a waste of time and energy.  It doesn’t get you closer to your goals, only actions do.  
  1. Practice aloha.  Think a little more kindness and a lot less judgement.  Being jealous or insecure doesn’t make you a loser. It doesn’t mean you suck or that you’re stuck with a life sentence of failure.  Jealousy creates an awareness that your needs are not being met.  Find out what they are and find a way to fulfill them without putting pressure on yourself.  The best way to take care of yourself is to be more loving, kind, and compassionate. Jealousy is a call to action to be more gentle with yourself and to treat yourself with more love and respect. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit with self-care practices, like proper diet, exercise, and rest.  Doing so will put you in a positive frame of mind.  Positivity breeds courage and confidence.  When you’re more positive, you’ll see that you’re just as capable of achieving your own goals.  You'll also have the courage to take steps toward them without caring as much about what others are doing. Instead of asking why, you’ll start asking why not.
  1. Strengthen your “self-powers.”  Jealousy is like the check-engine light in your car going on.  That light acts as a signal for you to look underneath the hood to find out what's going on.  It doesn’t necessarily mean the car is bad or that it’s headed for a breakdown. But, you will need to address whatever is not functioning optimally.  Whether it’s a filter that needs replacing or a loose wire that needs adjusting, you should take care of the issue before it prevents your car from starting or going the distance on your next trip.  So, ask yourself why you’re jealous. What's triggering your insecurities?  If seeing someone else succeed is too much for you to handle, consider distancing yourself while you focus on your own path.  Stop following their social media accounts.  Do whatever is necessary to strengthen your mindset and boost your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence.  Look underneath your hood because the real work is inside of you.
  1. Practice gratitude.  When others achieve a goal, they have shown it can be done.  We are quick to judge someone else’s success because we assume they had an advantage we didn't.  But, that is not always the case.  In fact, the best success stories are about those who started with nothing but a burning desire to fulfill a dream and unwavering self-belief. Despite the bumps they had to get over or the potholes they had to get around, they have proven they could go the distance.  By appreciating the grit it took for them to arrive at their destination, you will have a greater awareness of what is possible and a road map to follow.  They have shown you the way.  It’s just a matter of following directions, doing the work, being patient, and staying motivated. And, by showing your appreciation, you never know if they would be willing to guide you on your journey as well.
  1. Focus on your own growth.  Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.  They will only slow you down, eat you up, and prevent you from succeeding altogether. Focus on your own growth instead.  Stay on your own path. You are in control of your attitudes and actions.  So, choose them wisely because they are the foundation for creating optimal health, happiness, and success.

The sun shines for us all. There is enough sunshine in the world to go around. We are not all the same flowers, but we are all meant to blossom. We are each unique and special. Therefore, we all deserve the opportunity to grow in our own time and way.

You may blossom best by standing alone, or you may thrive in a garden with others. Either way, if your soil is not conducive to growth, transplant yourself. Some environments are not ideal for transformation or success. Be willing to find a new place to root yourself that supports your determined spirit. In the right environment, your seed will eventually break ground. And, in time, you will experience breakthroughs in your own journey to touch the sky.

If you feel crowded by weeds, remove them. Toxic people, relationships, environments, and habits will strangle your growth. They are obstacles in your path that will slow you down. Remember, not everyone will support your goals and dreams. That’s OK. If you can’t eliminate them, limit your exposure to them so that they don’t deplete your energy or your enthusiasm.

Nurture yourself. Flowers require the right combination of sun, water, nutrients, and proper climate to survive. Like a flower, you, too, need to take care of yourself to help you grow, change, and transform. By practicing self-care, you will also better withstand the rough elements that may come your way.

Blossom like the beautiful flower you are, my Pineapple. Touch the sky with your satin fingertips and blow velvet kisses to the sun.

Live, Love, and Lead with Aloha!

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